Haunted
by abstractular
Summary: I hate that. I hate that I know she’ll cry over me. I hate that I know there’s nothing I can do to stop it. She looks so…numb right now. Zero/Yuuki


She was haunted.

I recognized the look; I wore it often.

But it looked so out of place on her.

I stood with my back against her bedroom door, as I have been for the past ten minutes. I didn't say anything, and neither did she. I don't think that there was anything I could say right now. That man…that level E…we knew him. He ran the bakery in town. He would always have fresh rolls out on Sunday mornings because he knew she loved them so much.

We didn't know that he got bit…didn't know until he attacked.

She had finally got a taste of it. Finally understood that it was different when it was someone you know. With other Level Es, it didn't seem as frightening, as horrible, as much of a mind fuck as it truly was. But…Yuuki knew this man before; she spoke to him every Sunday morning. He had a five-year-old son. Now he had nothing, because I had to put a bullet into his head.

I sighed through my nose. It's not as if killing him was easy for me. Seeing a taste of what I would become never is, but seeing it on someone that I had actually liked as a person is even worse.

I think the picture that keeps playing in my head is not the look on his face before I pulled the trigger, or the fact that he laughed in an insane rage…but the look on Yuuki's face when she saw just how mad he was.

She would have an even more heart breaking expression when it's me.

I hate that. I hate that I know she'll cry over me. I hate that I know there's nothing I can do to stop it. She looks so…numb right now. And I hate that, that's not Yuuki. Yuuki shows emotion, no matter what it is.

Her large, brown eyes are hollow and tired. Her face is pale and her hair is pulled back into a haphazardly done small ponytail. She has on some solid purple pajama pants and a grey tank top thing...camisole? Is that what they call those?

I swallow roughly and push myself away from the door, slowly walking over to her until I reach the end of the bed. Then I kneel down and stare into her eyes, making her look at me, really look at me.

"Yuuki." I whisper, and her head twitches slightly. I lean forward a little and put my hands over hers where they rest on her knees.

"I…" What the hell do I say? How can I make that look go away? God, just give me the voice and I'll say anything, anything to make her not look like that. To not look jaded and torn.

My fingers curl around hers, squeezing softly, and I smile at her. The same smile I gave to her that night we were in the kitchen and Aidou was over, she was worried about how much time I had left then too. I try to tell her with my eyes everything that I feel.

_Please don't make a face like that._

_Please know how strong you really are._

_Please see that I am standing right here in front of you. I'm not gone. Not yet._

_Please feel how I would give you the universe if I could. Anything for you to not cry ever again._

_I would kill for you._

_Die for you._

_Live for you, if I but could._

_I love you. I love you. See that I love you._

But her eyes were still hollow, and I know I could never say any of these things out loud. Not now, not like this, not when I know that she doesn't feel the same way. But I need to say something. I want to say everything. Say anything. So I just lift a hand and brush the pads of my fingers along her cheek and utter the one sentence that I hope combines everything I am trying to say to her.

"I'm right here."

Within a few torturously long moments, her eyes cleared up, and tears began to slide down her cheeks. Her lower lip quivered and her fingers twined into mine with a white knuckled grip. She sucked in a very shaky breath and her voice broke as she whimpered.

Not said, not whispered, but whimpered in sorrow.

"Oh Zero…"

She pulled me to her so that I had to stand up and bend over. Her arms wrapped around my neck and her hands clenched into my shirt. Her face buried into my neck and she cried. Sobs shook her tiny body and I moved up onto the bed next to her, wrapping my arms around her and holding her to me as tightly as I could.

"I'm here." I repeated. "I'm still here. I promise."

I could feel my shirt collar getting damp and she sniffed into the crook of my neck, inhaling deeply. I rested my cheek against the top of her head, and slowly she pulled away from me until I could fully see her tear stained face.

Wet eyes stared at me for a moment, searching my face until she did something that I was not ready for at all.

She kissed me.

Soft, wet lips nervously laid over mine. She was still, and her eyes were still open, staring into mine, waiting to see how I would react. Her arms were stone around my neck, and I honestly didn't know what I should do.

Should I push her away? She's upset and probably making a mistake by doing this.

But if I did that would it embarrass her? And then make things even worse?

I've wanted this for so long…

I'm here…I'm here….

And so is she.

My eyes close and my hands press her tighter against my chest as I return her kiss. Her arms relax and her head tilts in a sigh as one timid hand caresses the back of my neck. I kiss her upper lip. Then her lower lip. Sucking in each small sigh that she gasps. She kisses my lower lip, running her teeth along it gently so that I feel her smile a little when I shiver.

How did she learn to do this?

Her tongue runs along my mouth and I tangle my fingers into her hair as our tongues meet shyly. This is new. This is different. This is a line that we have never crossed. Something that we would never do. We should stop, we should stop. She's upset. I want her.

Hell, do I _**want**_ her.

Her mouth presses firm against mine, her kiss becoming more demanding, more desperate. Her hands slide down from my shoulders to my upper arms and they clench, feeling the way I tighten my hold on her.

Suddenly she is lying back against the mattress and she pulled me over top of her.

We break away for breath, but her hands still have a hold on my arms, and her breath is hot and puffing against my face in sweet, sublime, erratic bliss.

"Zero," Her lips brush against mine when she says my name and it makes all my nerves go below my stomach.

"Yuuki."

Her eyes are so luminous and dark with so many emotions now. They close for a moment and her breath rushes out as she shudders in my embrace and Oh God do I wish I could see what she was thinking.

Then her eyes open and I see only one emotion in those hazy orbs.

Want.

A want so great that it matches my own.

She kisses me softly, chastely, and whispers words like we're sharing a secret from time and space.

"I need you. I need to feel you with me. Around me. Over me. In me. I need you, Zero."

I groan and give in.

She knows it too; she can see it in my eyes. She's won.

Her mouth crashes against mine, her kiss full of longing and fear and she's everywhere. Her hands bury themselves in my hair and ruffle it between her fingers and she pulls and I press and she runs them down over my back, tracing lines between my shoulder blades so that subconsciously, my hips grind a little into hers.

But to my surprise, she grinds back.

My head is whirling, and my lips are moving down her neck on their own accord. My blood lust is stirring, but I press it down.

Get back you, my brain says, let the human have his reign.

Her hands are unbuttoning my shirt and I try to pull away to help her, but she growls, actually growls, and catches my lips with hers again. Nimble fingers work quickly and her cool palms push it down off my shoulders, sliding down my skin as the cloth leaves me to fall to the floor. She feels down my chest, her fingers tracing my abdomen and she actually groans.

I nip a path down her collarbone, and my hands grip her hips before I gently move my fingers under her shirt. Gently, slowly, I have to guide this. I have to gain some control because she is frantic and her hands keep moving to the waistband of my pants before they slide back up and then repeat the pattern.

It's driving me crazy.

Yuuki's back arches and I slide the tank top up and over her head, my eyes glued to the new skin that has been revealed. She was perfect. She's perfect in every possible way. I lick a small path down the center of her breasts and her hands leave my waist to slide into my hair and tug. My lips went to one breast and I kissed it, nipping gently on the tender flesh until she arched into my lips and my hand came up to meld into the other one.

She tasted so…so _damn_ good.

I didn't think that there would be anything sweeter tasting than her blood, but I was wrong. It wasn't just her blood; it was her, all of her. Her skin, her sweat, her soft moans, her erratic breath. Every single thing about her made my body pulse and thrum with desire. My tongue slid a clean line down the center of her belly, and it delved into her naval as she bucked against my chest.

I slid back up to meet her ever-demanding mouth, fiercely exploring the caverns of sweet ecstasy and peace. Her hands slid over my shoulders, squeezing slightly down my arms, smoothing over my stomach until she moved her hand into my jeans where I wanted her most. My hips rocked against her fingers and I groaned into her lips.

"Yuuki."

"Zero," Her voice was pleading.

My thigh pressed in between her legs, right against her core, and I shifted it until her hand stilled on me and her eyes shot open wide with a gasp. She exhaled softly and then pressed herself down onto my leg, rocking gently as her brows twisted with pleasure. Her hand began to move against me in time with her gently swaying hips. Our breaths met in a shaking sigh, tongues meeting halfway to taste and touch and follow in something that I probably should have done ages ago.

I should have kissed her when I woke up that time. I should have taken her kind smile and gentle hands for myself. I shouldn't have pulled away. Not if this would be the outcome of it.

She whimpered on my lips and her fingers tightened and her hips ground down a bit harder against me and I ripped my mouth off of hers to bury my face into her neck and gasp in pleasure.

She would be the death of me.

This glorious creature beneath me, this angel of light and hope and temptress of shy touches and sinful sighs.

I moaned her name and her movements became quicker, more uncontrolled, in search of the release to this insane torture.

A few more moments of erratic action and she pressed tight into my leg, her ankles twisting around my calf to hold me there. As one hand scraped nails down my back the other roughly squeezed over me, her thumb brushing the tip and I bucked against her hand as I was pushed into the solid light that had my head spinning and all I could feel was madness and all I could hear was my name on her lips.

It seemed to last forever and yet it was over far too soon for my liking.

I floated back to reality, and her hand was no longer holding me. Instead it was trying to tug the jeans off of my hips and I caught her hands in mine to stop her. She was being so desperate, so frantic, so…scared.

I looked into her face, and she swallowed a nervous gulp and her eyes were looking up at me…suddenly it was as if she wasn't as sure as she was before. Suddenly, she really did see that I was right here. I was laying over her, trapping her into the mattress, my weight heavy against her hips.

She saw me.

And she was nervous. She was scared, not of the monster in me, but of the boy and the feelings that the boy had stirred within her.

Her eyes were always so expressive.

I sighed, pulling her hands away from my form. She licked her kiss-swollen lips and brown eyes searched through mine. It wasn't time for this.

This wasn't our moment.

No matter how much I wanted it to be.

I rolled back, sitting up on the bed and crossing my legs to make a faux-cradle. Then I grabbed her, not caring that we were both very shirtless, and pulled her until she was perched in my lap. My arms came around her shoulders and I kissed her forehead.

"It's okay." I murmured. "We're okay."

She sighed, the fear leaving her eyes. She slumped against me, nuzzling her face into my chest as she exhaled sleepily.

"Zero." She whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Don't ever leave me."

I closed my eyes and smiled softly. My body started to rock her back and forth and I pet her hair until I was sure she was asleep.

"Don't ever leave _me_." I replied into the darkness.

But I was content, because Yuuki was asleep in my arms, and I was satisfied. Because no matter what the future would bring for us. Insanity, disaster, tears, blood…

I saw her face when she broke to the pleasure, and she looked at me. For just one moment, her eyes looked into mine, and she _saw me_.

For just one moment…she was mine.


End file.
